The cure to heartache

Image by: Gina Tepper

When you need to have the harsh conversation with yourself in the mirror”, please have it. For 3 weeks now I've been forcing myself to state it as it is: “He never chose me. Even when I tried my hardest. He didn't pick me.” I have had friends thank me for telling them this. However, I still do it often to release myself from the grip of heartache.

I have been dating since age 16. Two very short relationships in High School but then age 21 I got hooked. When I say hooked I mean stuck. He could do no wrong. In my eyes this person was everything. He could do no wrong, ever. As a matter of fact, I think at some point I asked him if he had used “Umuti” on me as a form of trapping me in a relationship. Alas we laughed at that question for years after.

I have been in his life for nearly a decade now and there is nothing that we do not discuss. However I had to do something for myself to begin the process of weaning him off. I must be honest, he is not completely out my life but I am getting there. I had to have a conversation with myself regarding how I was never the one he wanted.

I started this practice whenever I felt I missed him; I would go to the mirror and tell myself he doesn’t love me. Then I realised love wasn’t the issue, the issue was he never picked me! He never stopped in his tracks and thought that I could be the one he could spend the rest of his life on earth with. I had to repeat it to myself until the penny dropped. It took me some months, but I got there. I am so glad I could be real and honest with myself and the journey to confront the demon of loneliness. But not just that. I had to face the fact that while I was in pain and angry he was in bed with another woman, why? Because he never picked me. He never wanted me.

He’s happy with his family and I’m happy with my life. Rebuilding the ruins of a broken heart takes time. I am willing to do the work so that one day I can be truly loved and I can truly bring the real me into a relationship and not hold any anger against men. I hope this blog sends you to a quiet space where you can look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself he never picked you. Where you can deal with all the sadness, hurt, insufferable pain and get up and live. Some days are good, on others you will need to go back and ask the same question, and go through those emotions, but it gets better in time.

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