Socially Savant

A few days ago I posted on Facebook the following status: “Tonight a gentleman asked me why a girl like me is single. It took a lot out of me not to crumble on the floor and just weep. A lot. But hey… I’m still standing.” This incident and another conversation I had had with my mom a few weeks ago led me to write the reason why I’m annoyed by this question but also why I am unable to worship the institution of marriage. Hang tight this is going to be a very raw blog on why I hate the institution called marriage but I am still pro-marriage and the partnership dependant on how each couple would design it for themselves.  The man I mentioned above saw me at my daytime job and the manner in which he asked me carried pity and also a sense that something was wrong with me; that I couldn’t secure a ring. My response was so composed as I was at my job. But I explained to him that men and women think of marriage differently. For all my existence I’ve watched women aspire to the weddi...

We, ladies, tend to be more collaborative in work and leadership, quite more empathetic & definitely less violent on an individual level than men. We are more sensitive towards the person's well being and are always keen to help where there’s a need for it. We’re absolutely stronger and better at picking up the pieces. Women know how to bounce back from heartache, disappointment, and failure, pretty much quicker than men. We have the strength to get up and go for something. We seek social support from loved ones, friends and colleagues about so many things that trouble us. Women know how to run businesses well because we are likely to make decisions that benefit everyone in the corporation. We thrive for overall success and empathize with others to reach one goal.  We’re so loving in our nature that we give second and third chances to those who cause us pain. We move on from hurt (not too easily) but we are able to rebuild ourselves to love again. I honestly wouldn...

It’s been quite a ride this living as a woman. One would think that being born into the world means that there is space for you to just be, to exist. Well, we won’t have that conversation today but for many reasons it’s been quite difficult to live and love. As a woman, the moment you wake up in the morning you have to put a few hats on just to get you through your morning routine and out the door. The one hat we are never told to wear is that of forgiving self, as women and most importantly as women of colour we need to forgive ourselves in order to live our lives in love. We’re conditioned to forgive the world and everyone in it but ourselves and other women. The acidity fills the cup and it overflows into our workspaces, places of worship, families, our sisters who are doing better than us and most of all it burns every ounce of confidence in self and replaces it with a desire to meet standards set by everyone but ourselves. One of the many keys that lead to a path of h...

Festive season has come round with so many societal pressures and #lifegoals. And all the bragging levels have gone up a notch, which are always and forever getting harder to attain. With all the expenses and monies made ladies are pressurised to look and be a certain way. However our economic spaces are not conducive to such, but hey the elephant in the room is societal pressure. I was helping transcribe a focus group that was conducted with unemployed black South African women. It revealed that they have insomnia because they not sleeping at night, spending it worrying. The main reason they are anxious is that when they wake up; they think that their mothers are going to call them names. Words like: you are so useless are such crippling words. This I know because long before I loved and appreciated the relationship I hold with my mother, we used to butt heads. All day! Everyday! She didn’t understand me at all. I was reduced daily to shreds and I used to question God why was...

The church never loved us. Mary, Martha, Ruth, Tryphina (mom) and Mbali (Me); all these women had to walk alone, they were never loved. How then are we ever going to be loved in present day church?  “The notion that feminism cannot be Christian or virtuous is harmful when you think about it” a very passionate Candice Morrow wrote to me.   Let’s get gender and biological facts out the way. We are not the same. We never will be. Men are men and women are women. Our battles are different and so are our bodies, emotions; and all the biologists and neurologist will account for it. I remember some time back being laughed at for saying I was a Christian feminist as if to say there was no place for that in the church. Let me tell you something. In my discussions with women, including my mom; the most useless and annoying man known to womankind has to be the Christian men. They will bible bash you into submission. You will sit and listen with amazement at how ridiculous the men...

There comes a point when being consumed by everything needs to stop. You find the people around you boring. The family drama draining. That’s when being still needs to happen for you to hear your soul whisper: ‘‘take care of me please. I am starving for attention. I’m hungry for affection’. I turned 26, then 27. Next thing it was 29, now I am 30 (please note how much I’ve been editing this post). In a space of a few weeks prior to my 29 th birthday I was so unhappy with where I was in life. The flat I lived in was cold and dark. It was a true reflection of me and where I was emotionally. I needed it to stop. A friend invited me to an all expenses paid holiday in Cape Town. I grabbed the chance and was on a plane to the beginning of my 29 th year. I had a blast and on that Sunday afternoon friends invited us to climb Lion’s Head an landmark that will test your hiking and climbing abilities. I was there ready to climb this mountain. In my head I thought easy peasy. But littl...

We never needed more women in industries in fact we never needed to be recognised by others. We what we need is more women to support each other and be happy for each other at any point in time. That saying; ‘not everyone is going to be happy for you’ is commonly said in female circles and not male circles, go figure. Having had a conversation with a friend this morning I felt compelled to write this because it is important we see where we are getting it wrong. We are getting it wrong when we are holding grudges and being jealous towards those who are doing better than us. Holding bitterness and not being strong enough to stand in the sun with a friend and say I will stand with you for your “glory” while I wait for mine. So speaking frankly in this post I would be correct in saying that we don’t do that. We don’t want to stand with another sister while she shines for how many times she shines. I would like to say that many of the lessons we learn we learn from the female f...