Mommy No

Festive season has come round with so many societal pressures and #lifegoals. And all the bragging levels have gone up a notch, which are always and forever getting harder to attain. With all the expenses and monies made ladies are pressurised to look and be a certain way. However our economic spaces are not conducive to such, but hey the elephant in the room is societal pressure.

I was helping transcribe a focus group that was conducted with unemployed black South African women. It revealed that they have insomnia because they not sleeping at night, spending it worrying. The main reason they are anxious is that when they wake up; they think that their mothers are going to call them names. Words like: you are so useless are such crippling words. This I know because long before I loved and appreciated the relationship I hold with my mother, we used to butt heads. All day! Everyday! She didn’t understand me at all. I was reduced daily to shreds and I used to question God why was she given to me, why the hell was she my mother. 

I am passionate about this because our mothers were never loved as kids themselves. They have a delusional understanding of mothering and parenting. In that state they exert their hurt on us. Mothers and daughters in the black community need help, huge help. Because before we hate our fathers for being absent, deep down inside we have a deep hate for our mothers for choosing our fathers. And then blaming us for that decision just because we came out exactly like the men they had sex with and they now realise the mistake actually has a life of its own and is their daily responsibility. So vicious words are tossed around and it makes them feel better to tame the person they have versus loving and forgiving themselves and also resolving their issues and lack of relationship with their own mothers. 

I digress; let’s return to the ladies that are under the blanket of weakness and feeling useless. These women are now placed in even more pressure when Social Media is thrown as fuel into this fire. I am not blaming social media however it adds to the already interesting dynamic. We must be able to return to our community; supporting each other as women and be less driven to compete with each other as women. Support as I have learnt this year goes a long way in making a person feel like there is hope, that they are valued. That their dreams are valid and that they are an important part of society versus how the greater population feels.

I am my best because my family is the anchor I have that has my back and supports me completely. I wish all household would support all the women around them and affirm them as we emerge into the future leaders we were called to be. We need our mothers mostly to be onboard and to hear us even when they don’t agree with us. And may we be better mothers in the near future, if we are not mothers as of yet. Be blessed and I hope to hear from you on Socially Savant platforms.