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It wouldn't be the first time


I fussed and struggled to get to my inner strength. I started very slowly to remove myself from people and the regular things I was doing in my everyday life. I started to remove myself from the responsibilities in my church life and family life. Dating was a hard no. Trying to even look pretty within my skin and body was a difficult task to achieve. I decided to focus on me. It wouldn’t be the first time, I did such. 

“It wouldn’t be the first time” was the last thing my pastor said to me when I lay in the hospital bleeding out. He said this after I told him it’s after visiting hours and he was going to get in trouble if he didn’t leave. He fist pumped me and looked straight into my eyes and said, “It wouldn’t be the first time”. I garnered so much strength from just those few words to remember that I’m a force. I’m powerful. That I am so much more and mostly so intelligent to just let myself slip out of life this way. This was not the bang I was looking for. I had 6 hours to sit and gain perspective for what I was fighting for. My mind that has so much potential in the Marketing and Advertising industry (someone hire me already). To my church life, where so many young people are waiting for me to pitch up and tell them that yes, you might have stuffed up in life, but the bounce-back power is in surrendering and knowing that God is in love with you regardless of what people have to say. That he brought you here not to live for people but to live out his plan for your life. That is HUGE! 

It wouldn’t be the first time I had to think about all the blogs that are still to be written. The introspection and reflection that I still need to type out and deliver to you my reader who has been waiting for months. Because guess what, it’s not always about me. I am yet to go to places and deliver talks and open up minds about different ways of reinventing life for ourselves. I’m yet to open up and tell hard truths as I always do. There are women and men I am yet to meet and carry through life. I am yet to teach myself and then once the lesson is learnt, give it away. 


So it wouldn’t be the first time I professed to not knowing anything. Let alone how it was going to unfold but I had to come back and discover it for myself. I’m really genuinely intrigued as to what is next in my life. What is in store for me. It wouldn’t be the first time I have come back and risen to the top. It wouldn’t be the first time I exuded confidence in my life. It wouldn’t be the first time I said yes to life. To my life. 

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