Socially Savant

My head and my heart are at war. I realised this after a long phone call that really started with my friend saying she was checking in on me. Now anyone that knows me knows that I am a loyal friend. So when this beloved friend asked this I knew I was allowed to tell the truth. The day before the call I was feeling like I was going to explode. Only because when you are transiting from one state of being to the next you have no idea how to feel and what to feel. You have weird new feelings popping in and out of your life and you really are confused most of the time. From nursing a broken heart to having your heart want that person back. You could be responding  to confusing and hard questions that family members  and family friends keep asking you about; questions about the very life you are trying to figure out. Right down to just the normal angst of living a life that needs money to keep it going forward. I found my head and my heart at war because I am thinking I am...

Image by: Gina Tepper  When you need to have the harsh conversation with yourself in the mirror”, please have it. For 3 weeks now I've been forcing myself to state it as it is: “He never chose me. Even when I tried my hardest. He didn't pick me.” I have had friends thank me for telling them this. However, I still do it often to release myself from the grip of heartache. I have been dating since age 16. Two very short relationships in High School but then age 21 I got hooked. When I say hooked I mean stuck. He could do no wrong. In my eyes this person was everything.  He could do no wrong, ever. As a matter of fact, I think at some point I asked him if he had used “Umuti” on me as a form of trapping me in a relationship. Alas we laughed at that question for years after.   I have been in his life for nearly a decade now and there is nothing that we do not discuss. However I had to do something for myself to begin the process of weaning him off. I must be hone...