Socially Savant

We are losing great black men daily. We are facing tragic headlines on a daily basis. Black women are wearing tragedy on their faces and this time not as a mask but as a mood, a mode and state of being. Real black affectionate and present black men don’t get the right credit, and their appreciation or acceptance only appears once they have tragically let us. We have men who are not looking for glory or shine, but when we see them we criticize them for showing their families affection. Fathers who kiss their daughters on the lips are alienated and seen as paedophiles. When all they are actually doing is grooming their daughters to feel comfortable in their own skin. They are teaching their daughters how to respect themselves and know when its real love and when they are being played by the opposite sex. However we drive home on the negative energy surrounding these black men. I look at the late Nipsey Hussle and now the late Basketball legend Kobe Bryant. Both these men are blac...

A few days ago I posted on Facebook the following status: “Tonight a gentleman asked me why a girl like me is single. It took a lot out of me not to crumble on the floor and just weep. A lot. But hey… I’m still standing.” This incident and another conversation I had had with my mom a few weeks ago led me to write the reason why I’m annoyed by this question but also why I am unable to worship the institution of marriage. Hang tight this is going to be a very raw blog on why I hate the institution called marriage but I am still pro-marriage and the partnership dependant on how each couple would design it for themselves.  The man I mentioned above saw me at my daytime job and the manner in which he asked me carried pity and also a sense that something was wrong with me; that I couldn’t secure a ring. My response was so composed as I was at my job. But I explained to him that men and women think of marriage differently. For all my existence I’ve watched women aspire to the weddi...

My head and my heart are at war. I realised this after a long phone call that really started with my friend saying she was checking in on me. Now anyone that knows me knows that I am a loyal friend. So when this beloved friend asked this I knew I was allowed to tell the truth. The day before the call I was feeling like I was going to explode. Only because when you are transiting from one state of being to the next you have no idea how to feel and what to feel. You have weird new feelings popping in and out of your life and you really are confused most of the time. From nursing a broken heart to having your heart want that person back. You could be responding  to confusing and hard questions that family members  and family friends keep asking you about; questions about the very life you are trying to figure out. Right down to just the normal angst of living a life that needs money to keep it going forward. I found my head and my heart at war because I am thinking I am...

Image by: Gina Tepper  When you need to have the harsh conversation with yourself in the mirror”, please have it. For 3 weeks now I've been forcing myself to state it as it is: “He never chose me. Even when I tried my hardest. He didn't pick me.” I have had friends thank me for telling them this. However, I still do it often to release myself from the grip of heartache. I have been dating since age 16. Two very short relationships in High School but then age 21 I got hooked. When I say hooked I mean stuck. He could do no wrong. In my eyes this person was everything.  He could do no wrong, ever. As a matter of fact, I think at some point I asked him if he had used “Umuti” on me as a form of trapping me in a relationship. Alas we laughed at that question for years after.   I have been in his life for nearly a decade now and there is nothing that we do not discuss. However I had to do something for myself to begin the process of weaning him off. I must be hone...