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A Lifetime Of Listening


So I have always had the best experiences in my life. At random I have this exchange of words with people I love, and I realise that life is not really lived in vain. I have a purpose to serve, and my latest experience happened with none other than my dearest mother. I am welcoming you into one of my random moments with my mother and best friend. 
I was minding my own business; working from home, because I need my family to know what it is that I do even though they are not interested. I was fiddling with my laptop finding myself in a messy maze that is my life when my mother brings me tea and starts chatting to me about my character flaws. Much to my disappointment and annoyance, I wanted to say to her; ‘Lady I no longer care, I am 30 years old and set in my ways’. However I allowed her to get all that she needed off her chest, even though I wanted to scream and shout at her.
In all that she was saying, she had picked up the big and small things that made her feel concerned for my life. She noted how my face cannot lie. People can always read my face and know that I am not impressed or I am pissed off with them, which is true, not that I have seen myself; but I know this now to be true. Also I have this thing where I fold my arms in an aggressive demeanour. My mom says that at this point it is my body saying to the person “end now or else”. “By then,” she says, “you are no longer listening to a word anyone has to say.”  
She stated at length, how being raised in a suburb may not have worked in my favour because of all the European mentality I took with me into adulthood. How my life revolves around being more white than black, and how my decision making is more individualised than incorporating of others emotions and opinions. At this point I wanted out of this little chat. It became too much to take in. I did eventually fold my arms, and that sent a message that I had had enough. Then she alluded to the greatest lesson I taught her in parenting. I will share that lesson another day.
I have always known that feedback for me is a tough pill to swallow because in my mind I am the sweetest person I know. I mind my own business. I don’t annoy anyone, or so I think. I have my own private life. My social media platforms serve as a reflection of that life led in private with pockets of it displayed when I feel like it. To hear someone close to you articulate the reasons why you are not welcome by the world around you at times can leave you scared and afraid to emerge from the confides of your home. However take it and turn it into constructive feedback that could assist you going forward. Take your time to evaluate the feedback and see what you need to take out of it to repair yourself and the relationships you have. It will do you no harm to listen to someone who knows you well and take that advice as a tool to self improve.


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